My Plan in action

January 3rd 1973 and at last I was able to leave. I moved to a small house of my own and began to make friends and work at last I felt I was heading in a good direction and finding happiness. Mim continued to watch the boys while I worked and Larry came around seldom to see the boys. My Father came to see me for my birthday in March and we enjoyed our time together but, when he left I knew something was wrong. I soon learned he had Lung cancer I loved him so and watching him suffer over the next three years ,sealed the fact that I would never smoke.
Larry now with my father sick came around more ,seems he had left me alone due to a conversation my father had with him along a river where some dunking and fist had been involved. He harrassed me at work threatened my friends and got me fired over and over. He tore wires off my car ,busted windows in my apartment until I was evicted. I sought help but, in the 70s it was not there. I decided to move back in with him to calm the situation and regroup ,I knew the next time I left he would not find me ,I could not let him. We got a really nice town house and I worked so all was calm for some time. The months passed and my fathers condition was very grave so I did all I could to see him weekly. Then one night I was in the pool with the boys and my brother pulled up the hospital called Dad was passing. How was I going to get through this Idid not think things could get worse ,but I was wrong.

Second Son is born

The weeks went by slowly and I got a part time job to add to what I now called my escape fund. At seven months I became very ill and could no longer work but,I had $876. in my funds at the credit union. I went into labor on March 28 and Wade was born at 2:17 p.m. I discovered that a unwanted pregnancy did not deliver a unwanted child and for that I was grateful because ,he was the image of his father. Blond hair, blue eyes and olive skin. Bill was now sixteen months old and was such a good child. Slept all night ,never cried, ate well and was always playing and happy. Wade came home and cried day and night , Larry worked at US Steel and went from there to the bar he was never home,most days I was grateful for that. I begged the DR. to see why he cried" You are a young mother "that was his answer so I change DRS. Finally at seven weeks old This Dr. found the answer to his crying and began treatment. At three months he slept more than three hours at a time , and the crying and vomiting slowed to were I could bare it . I met a woman at church Mim Walker without her the next three years would of been unbearable. Her and her daughter did daycare in her home , when the state tried to regulate her she put a cup on the table ,said love offerings. Till this day I am grateful she was there. I would leave the boys there and get four hours sleep in the evening knowing they were safe in her hands.
Wade was now seven months old and finally I felt he was healthy enough for me to leave. I awoke Oct. tenth planning to leave exactly one week from this day. On Oct.15th I awoke and had to struggle to breath my face and throat was swollen. Larry took me to the hospital where I had emergency surgery for thyroid cancer a complete Thyroidectomy. I awoke not knowing where my boys were. I got from the bed to the bathroom and stood in the shower to wake up and made it to the phone , my boys were with Mim she had them for two days. I had to get out of here. The next morning I checked out of the hospital against DRS. orders and got home my sons in tow. The next few months I struggled to heal and found a really good Dr. P.T. Eichelberger he was so kind and caring and became a freind and Dr. for the next six years. At this point I needed all the support system I could get Ihad no family to depend on.

My first son is here

Baytown was a welcome change of pace. I was now nine months pregnant and had tried so hard to put Robs memory in the past but, this day it would not be easy. The pains were so sever and I sat in the waiting room wishing the nurse would come. I needed for this to be over , that somehow I felt would cut the tie between Robert and myself. Seventeen hours later Bill was born he was fat and beautiful and did not look that much like Rob, thank God . I don't think I could of made it if he had been his mirrow image. The months passed and my son grew so fast.Now I felt I could make a clean cut from Larry and get on with my life ,start over, just my son and I. I went to the Dr. and had an IUD put in .I went through the motions of marriage with Larry. I opened a savings account and developed a written plan, hid it in my dresser and pulled it out to read when ever I needed to remind myself of what I needed to do next. Then one morning I felt severe pain in my pelvic area and called to get a appointment with my OB Dr. Cummings. Yes I could be there by three. I could not beleive what I was hearing This Sept. day the IUD must of been lost or out of place Dr. Cummings said
"you are now about 8 weeks pregnant." I know he was still talking but, I left the room how can this be I was doing so good on my written plan there was no room on there for this . Dear God how can I do this. Larry was very happy and used it to remind me how dependant I was on him and his medical insurance he knew I wanted out. This baby was due April 2nd to be sure by April 28 1972 I would be gone. I had to be out of this marriage.

16 pregnant & alone

In Waco I was alone I had to learn how to survive on my own, to not depend on anyone, that is a task til this day I have not conquered. Larry was due home in three weeks and I knew I would tell him the truth. Now more than ever I needed the military allottment I got every month. I would not have my son in a charity hospital. I found a job at a poultry plant and the days passed slowly. I had gotten so use to Robert being there, the change seemed as though I would never adjust. It was now the end of May and I started to feel like I was four months pregnant.I was in bed Sunday morning 5.30 A.M. when I heard someone at the door.It was Larry, he was here no warning .I knew he could never take Roberts place but, I agreed for him to stay.He was out of the military after 30 days and we would move to Baytown, make a clean start. The months went by but, Roberts memory refused to fade. I now even 39 years later remember the sound of his voice the smell of his skin. I knew as sure as the sun comes up in the morning I would never love Larry it just wasn't there when my son was born I would be gone . For now it was true I did have to play house. One day I would love again ,one day I told myself but, not today.

The ride home

His name was Richard and he was in a 18 wheeler .Just turned off the freeway to make a phone call. If I needed help he would take me to the sherrif office up the highway. No I just need to make a phone call. I called my childhood home hoping to reach my father, my mother answered I told her of my trip and the rape she replied ,Well you made your bed now lie in it , those words would shape my intire future and drive a wedge between her and I that remains there now 40 years later. "Maybe she did not understand you" Richard was in disbelief that she had hung up on me ,I was not. There was a reason I left home at 14 and she was it. The sherriff office was a blur why was I on the road, who was I , Where was I going , Will you press charges and stay in Florida. Some how Richard knew as well as I this was a waste of time. I wanted him to take me out of there and that is what he did. He took me to Tampa, put me in a motel room and the next morning Robert was at the door, don't know till this day how he knew I was there. He seemed to be a different person and after two hours of talking and just laying on the bed together He stood up went to the door and said "I can't play house." Dear God who was playing. That evening Richard returned and said he was being sent to california, going right thru Waco and with that I was in the sleeper of his diesel headed back to Waco , back to what never in my life had I been so without a plan. Where would I go from here I had to be strong for my son for now I was all he had.

#1c

The car was hot and the smell of beer ,cigarettes and his sweat made me dizzy at five months pregnant everything smelled so strong. You can let me out at the next stop, I don't feel so well. Do I look like I give a shit how you feel He replied? Turns out that was the nicest thing he said to me. He turned down a gravel road and my mind raced to find a plan to protect my son, we will not die here between Tallahassie and Tampa. I got my military ID from my bag and started telling him my father was the base comander at Fort Hood and I was suppose to have met him in Tampa yesterday but, my car brokedown. Had he listened ,I did not know. He pulled down by a swamp. I did not tell him I was pregnant, don't know why just felt it would anger him. He began to tear at my clothes and hit me in the head. I kept talking about my made up father, It was to late to care if I angered him. He pinned my body to the seat and raped me the pain was severe and I knew this was a fight for life. Get out of the car and stand out front he told me. Hell no if you will kill me, it will be in your car I replied. He ran from driver side to passenger door I had locked it when I got in, He went back to the driver side and I leaped from the passenger side door. I always hated to run in school but, run I did. I saw a small light in the distance and ran for it. Turned out to be a phone booth, I curled up in the floor and tried to hold the door shut with my hands and feet. I could hear his car and knew he was close. Then I felt the door being pushed open. I heard a mans voice ,are you ok do you need help . Thankful it wasn't him I began to cry.I looked around and there were frogs everywhere. I had to trust the stranger here with me.

#1b

The weeks passed and no word from Robert , I waited nine weeks then I had a plan. I would go to Florida, he had talked about home alot. I found him once I could do it again. I knew he was from a small place called St. Pete beach. He could leave me but, I would surely get him to not leave the son ,only weeks before meant so much to him. My car was out of the question so I packed what I could and headed to Trailways Bus Lines. There on the board was Florida Destinations . Tallahasee ,Yea sounds right, only $39. and I'm there. The ride was forty two hours long I was tired and my back ached so bad, I would get a room and start my search early tomorrow. The next morning I went to the office and ask how to get to St. Pete, Baby St. Pete is near Tampa not Tallahasee, the clerk said laughing , to this day I hate being called BABY. Back to Trailways. The ticket was $39. how could that be I came all the way from Waco for $39.? Seems intrastate is more expensive. I only have $32. left. OK I got to Fort Hood hitching rides I just need to head in Tampa direction. The first ride was great, it was only 160 miles to Tampa when the couple let me out. Then a 56 chevy pulled over and I got in that is one of those moments in life you wish you could go back to, I knew as soon as he sped off I was in trouble,I had to protect my son ,this is the first time in my life I had to deal with terror.